I started running again last fall. I thought that, like other times I have gotten into running, progress would come easily over time. These last four months or so have proved me very, very wrong. I thought that by now, completing a 5k would feel relatively easy, or at least POSSIBLE. I have a race coming up this weekend and I learned that the course goes over a bridge, twice. The thought of running uphill – twice – AND completing a 5k at the same time makes me want to cry. At my last 5k, running in spurts of three minutes at a time on flat ground felt like I was roasting on a slow spit of eternal damnation. ETERNAL. But I keep trying. I reset back a bit on my Couch to 5k program and today was my first long run in several weeks – the goal was 22 minutes. I finished 20. How could I not finish those last two minutes?? But also, how did I manage to run for a full 20 minutes without stopping?? It feels miraculous. It’s not the first time I’ve managed 20 minutes in the last couple of months, but it’s the first time I’ve done it since I started regularly giving in to the mental fatigue before I even got on the treadmill. Today I am Leonardo DiCaprio at the bow of the Titanic shouting, “I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD!” And yes, I know the Titanic sank and he drowned, but goddamn it, he was happy as hell in that moment with Kate Winslet in his arms. And even if I go down with the ship tomorrow, I fucking won today. Yes sir, yes, I did.
-
April 21
I didn’t stick around for cheer tonight and instead came home to cook dinner, even though no one else was home. I got a whole 90 minutes all to myself. It was blissfully quiet. I need to do this more often.
-
April 20
We had such a good Easter this year. So much better than last year, but having wisdom teeth removed would be better than last Easter. We crocheted, we had a water balloon fight, Robin made this bunny cake, we played a new game called Chicken Butt, and we had a delicious ham dinner made by Billy. I have the best family. We missed Colleen and her crew, but hope to see them in a few weeks for Mother’s Day. My heart is full.
-
April 19
It was a busy day. Gym for a run this morning, then food shopping, dyeing eggs (we tried the Cool Whip method this year with marginal success), and then I went out for pizza with Lauren and Monica. While I was out, Robin and Billy baked jelly bean sugar cookies that are actually quite tasty! I’m looking forward to a relaxing evening from here out.
-
April 18
It was kind of a slow day. The kids were off for Good Friday and I didn’t have any meetings at work. Robin and I picked out a cake and some cookies to make tomorrow for Easter dinner. Could very well end up on an episode of “Nailed It” when we’re done, but we’re gonna give it our best shot. Long as it tastes good.
-
April 17
I finished this sweater a few days ago, which I started sometime in 2023. There are so many things wrong with it, but through some miracle there are enough things right with it that I can wear it and it even looks presentable. And now I’m in the weird, uncomfortable position of having nothing to work on. I do have some machine sewing to do, but I can’t do that on a weeknight after everyone goes to bed. I’m sure I’ll come up with something.
-
April 16
It is so annoying dealing with the pharmacy. I’m going on three days without a medication after being told for days, “It’ll be ready by 11.” I can barely function right now. I’m glad this medication works, but it is ALWAYS a pain in the ass to refill. I go through this every month and I’m getting tired of it. And also just tired.
-
April 15
The plumber finally came today and all the work is finally done. I am so relieved to have two working toilets and a water heater from this century. For some reason, though, I am utterly exhausted, even though I didn’t really do much today. So goodnight to me!
-
April 14
Finished this puzzle today. Putting together all the crowd sections was hard. All the pieces looked basically the same, and the pieces didn’t fit together intuitively. I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. But I finished in time to go to cheer, where I also finished a sweater I’ve been working on for more than a year. I just have to block it now. Like the puzzle, it was a hard pattern to follow. I’m surprised it looks like a sweater at all, or that it fits. And then I came home from cheer, ate dinner, and fell asleep on the couch.
-
April 13
Christina’s dance competition didn’t go as well today as yesterday. The team didn’t even place. It was fun watching her anyway. And, we have wisteria flowers for the first time since I planted it over ten years ago! So exciting.
-
April 12
It was a long, busy day. Christina had a dance competition this morning, and her team swept their level, taking home at least three top prizes. They looked absolutely amazing. And then, although I really, really didn’t want to, I ran the Wine and Chocolate 5k. I was 9 seconds off my time for the last race, and about a minute and a half off the Santa race in December. Considering how little I wanted to run, and how often I stopped to walk, it’s a pretty good finishing time. With walking, I averaged about a 12:45 pace, which is about what I do on the treadmill. The weather was perfect, although my sunglasses kept falling off my face, and that was annoying. And there was wine at the end!
-
April 11
Slowed down the pace a little today and it felt nice. Picked up materials for tomorrow’s wine and chocolate 5k. I’m a little bummed that I got this wine glass instead of a medal. I don’t drink much wine because no one else in the house drinks it and a bottle is no good on the second day. But, Robin was excited to drink her Coke out of it, so at least someone’s using it.
-
April 10
Thursdays are the new bane of my existence. 4:45 – drop Christina off at dance. 6:00 – drop Robin off at cheer. 6:15 – pick up Christina from dance. 7:00 – pick up Robin from cheer. Cheer and dance are 20-25 minutes away from each other, depending on traffic, especially at that time of day. I’m pretty sure most people would not agree to this, but until now it hasn’t been a problem because Billy has been able to help out. But now he has clients from 5:30-6:30 on Thursdays and we’re on our own. I got home from cheer at 7:20 and then at 8:00, after a quick dinner, I had a Zoom meeting with my co-facilitator for the NAMI class I’m teaching. When all was said and done, it was 8:30pm. By the time I was done with my shower, it was 9:00. I keep telling myself that the schedule will ease when Christina’s dance season ends at the end of May. I don’t know how this keeps happening. Eventually I will simply be too old. I think 45 is already too old. I’d like to hope the kids will appreciate it someday, but probably not for a long, long time, if ever. Despite it all, it feels worth it to me. I like watching them grow. It’ll even out eventually.
-
April 9
I finally had a minute to catch my breath today. Which isn’t to say it was an easy day, just that I had some time in between the madness to catch up on photos, look at my garden, look up some things on the internet that have been bugging me, work on the jigsaw puzzle… It was nice, but now I’m tired. I stay up too late, trying to get some time to myself. It never feels like enough.
-
April 8
Tonight was NAMI class, and we had a pretty good class. Everyone showed up and participated, which always helps. I am grateful to have the opportunity to teach these classes, but giving up my only free night of the week is a hefty sacrifice. Still, I made a point to spend 30 minutes with my headphones on after everyone went to bed, doing nothing but listening to music. No crossword or jigsaw puzzles, no browsing on my phone, just me and my music. I forgot how wonderful that is, and all the incredible imagery I enjoy. It was inspiring. I want to try to do this at least three times a week, just to disconnect from everything else swirling around me. I barely know what’s going on anymore, and I don’t have the time to care. Couple more weeks and things should settle a bit.
Year in Photos 