We played the National Parks board game, which I thoroughly enjoyed even though I lost. Even Robin played without pouting. It was nice to do something together as a family that we don’t normally do. We haven’t done anything like that in a long time. Too many other things going on. Christina beat us all very handily. Guess she will be our tour guide at Yellowstone.
Tag: dog
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May 12
We finally got some rain today. It rained all day and the dogs would not go out for anything. Pinot decided to take the opportunity to pee and poop in every room in the house today. It really never stops bothering me, and never starts bothering him. Billy is over it. I don’t blame him.
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May 7
My run this morning was disappointing, thanks to tech failure. It was my first speed run since the winter and the intervals got messed up on my app and none of them were the right length. OH WELL. It was still a run, so not a total loss, and now I’ll just have to do it again next week. A new lawn company came to mow our lawn today but did not do the backyard because they said the gate was blocked. There is literally just a small bucket half filled with gravel that’s there to keep Pinot from digging under the gate. It’s maybe five pounds. How do you just not move it? They did not get paid. Today at work I finally learned what makes preapproved credit offers different from prescreened credit offers and why we apply two totally separate sets of laws to them. I’ve literally worked at this company for 20 years and never knew the difference. I feel enlightened. Took Christina to dance and it was SO HOT in the parking lot. I think it was 94 out and the sun was beating on me, plus wildfire smoke in the air. It was an unpleasant hour, but I refuse to sit in a running car for an hour just for air conditioning. Robin and I worked on her Ferrari Lego set after dinner. It’s starting to look like a car… we have a front end now. I am completely exhausted. I was up late last night and then up early this morning. I got maybe six hours of sleep, which I realize is probably not far from average, but I can’t handle it. It’s early, but I think I’m going to bed.
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April 23
I decided not to be lazy tonight and cooked a real dinner. It was kind of nice cooking. Robin’s been in a grumpy mood all day. Christina’s been trying to schedule a sleepover with her friend, but coordinating with her dad has been nearly impossible. It’s tough being at the mercy of your parents. I don’t remember how these things happened when I was younger. Magic. Probably still is.
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April 20
Everything hurts. My fingers, wrists, shoulders, back, arms, thighs, feet, toes… When I find a position to lie in that doesn’t result in pain, I don’t dare move. This weekend was the hardest work I have ever done in my life. It’s satisfying that I did it, but damn. I’m wrecked. It hurt to right-click my mouse at work. I slept from 9:15pm-7:15am and still feel exhausted today. No regrets, but I’ll be so thankful when I can hold a pencil without wanting to cry.
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April 17
The patio materials arrived today. Billy doesn’t think I can get it all moved in six hours. I hope he’s wrong, but he probably knows better than I do since it’s literally his job to move freight. I am hoping not to have to work when it gets hot, and I really want the use of our driveway. I’ve got my work cut out for me. I’m excited to get this party started. We’ll see if I feel the same on Sunday.
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April 14
I don’t regret my career decision late last year to take on this training role, but I very clearly did not anticipate the level of challenge I’ve faced over the last three months. Everything from scheduling pressures to insufficient content design to poor trainee performance to judgment from the leadership team to a complete unwillingness to change the operating model that clearly isn’t working. I didn’t anticipate feeling like such a complete failure after so short a time with little to no hope for a way out. I’m disappointed by selfish motives and closed minds. If I hear one more person say, well, this other person did it this way ten years ago and it worked fine, I may lose my bananas. This job has me feeling a range of emotions that I’m not used to feeling every day. I’m frustrated but up for the challenge. I just wish I had some better outlets to blow off steam than doing NYT crossword puzzles, knitting, and rifling through music in the dance studio parking lot. Right now there’s no balance and that’s no good. This patio project I’m starting will either give me the personal lift I need or crush me even further into despair. How’s THAT for pressure? Do I ever learn anything?
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March 31
Before I even started work today, I went for a run, did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen, took the kids to school, and went to the gym. And then when I got to work, I solved all my problems of the last few months in a moment of sheer enlightenment. (Modesty becomes me.) I will just have to make it through the rest of this class, which I hope will only be a couple more weeks. With luck, I may get my life back soon, and people will love me for it, too.
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March 25
I finished the day with a splitting headache. There is just so much riling me up at work and I can’t control my ire. I have a clearer idea of what I can throw off my plate; now I just need to find the time to do it. First I need to recover.
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March 23
Back to work today, and it was a stressful day. It took all of about six minutes for me to begin feeling annoyed, 23 minutes to feel angry, and an hour and a half to become irate. After that I was just tired and overwhelmed. But undeterred! Christina made tacos for dinner and then I read more of Billy’s book while I waited for her at dance. She wants to take eight classes during the summer. I’m glad she likes it, but I’m tired just thinking about it. So I won’t. Problem solved.
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March 3
Two things of note happened today: One, I showed up one entire day early for my therapy appointment that is actually tomorrow and not today. This explains why it wasn’t on my calendar. And two, Robin tried a gymnastics class this evening and enjoyed it, which makes me so relieved because that girl needs something to make her smile. We are going to go back next week. Everything else was just everything else. Pinot here is mad at me for not letting him lick the inside of my mouth. Sorry, bud. Even I have my limits.
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February 25
Robin had a dentist appointment today to get cavities filled. They decided to only do two of the four to try to limit her discomfort since she always gets sores after a filling. So now we have to go back again in a week to do the other two. They tried using a different anesthetic this time, and it does seem a little better, but she still has a big old sore on her lip. Maybe this will inspire her to brush her teeth, though. So far I have not seen that happen, but I still remind her every night. That also annoys the fuck out of her, which doesn’t bother me so much because spending $250 every six months for fillings is also annoying. The dogs, however, could care less as long as I give them potatoes to eat before bed.
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February 13
Robin may look a lot like Billy, but she feels a lot like me. I wish we could lift it out of her and set her free, but I know all too well that we can’t. This is her journey and all we can do is walk with her on it. I have loved and lost my mom, my family loved and almost lost me, and the thought of loving and losing Robin is unbearable. Desperation only adds fuel to the fire, so that burden is mine to deal with. In the meantime, I hope that just being beside her is enough.
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February 11
This dog. He pants and nudges and begs to be let out and then we open the door and he does this. He sticks his head out the door and sniffs for like 5 or 10 minutes and then comes back inside. Why are dogs so weird? It was otherwise a decent day. I feel like my class at work is falling behind a little, or maybe I overloaded the schedule. I don’t think we are going to finish the first phase of training by Friday as planned. But on the flip side, I’ve made some changes to the curriculum materials that are vast improvements, so at least now what I’m teaching them is accurate. Better to be late and get it right than finish early and get it wrong. I still have SO many things to do before next week. This whole class I’ve been behind the 8 ball, just trying to keep up, and it’s led to some mistakes. I’m working through them, but I hate feeling this disorganized. It’s not a good look for a teacher. But it’s my first class, it’s still better than the last few classes (by a lot), so I’m trying to take deep breaths and give myself grace. The true test is seeing how they do when they graduate. Still many weeks to go before then, so there are many opportunities to get it more right. Sempre avanti – always moving forward.
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February 5
It’s hard to believe it’s been 34 years since my dad died. The more time that passes, the more I realize how little I know about him. Like, I don’t know what his favorite flavor cake was. I think his favorite color was blue, but I’m not sure. He liked birds and drawing and he was a funny guy. I remember one year my mom went away for a weekend and Dad bought TV dinners and we watched football while we ate. I think it’s the only time I can remember Dad ever watching football. And I also remember how classically terrible that TV dinner was. But it’s still one of my favorite memories of Dad. That and playing with him in the snow. And riding the lawn mower with him. Ok, so there were some moments worth remembering. I just wish there had been more.
Year in Photos 