I finally got all the medications I’ve been waiting for – picked up six of them this morning. How is it possible that I need that many medications? Sigh. The rest of the day was pretty blah. The kids did well on their state tests, and now they’re pretty much done for the year. Christina had dance and Billy made pork loin. Christina wanted to make cookies but we were out of chocolate chips, so she made peanut butter cookies instead. They were pretty good! I keep ending the day completely wiped out.
Tag: light
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May 1
Christina went to a birthday party tonight at the skate rink and had a good time. They rented the entire site for the party, so it was a nice private event. I made baked pesto chicken and pasta for dinner and even though she ate at the party, Christina came home and had some too. It was pretty yummy.
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March 28
I’ve become a big fan of ChatGPT at work, but it has repeatedly let me down at home. Every family activity it has suggested has been a giant bust with only one exception, and there was no way it could have predicted that my old boss would show up randomly at the restaurant it suggested which was otherwise just sort of ok. Anyway, it suggested RAM for today, so we went, and there just wasn’t anything interesting there for anyone. Also there were 40mph wind gusts and it was like 60 degrees outside. You should have seen the kids’ faces. It wasn’t disgust and it wasn’t boredom, it was complete disinterest. Christina couldn’t even be interested in sharing a brownie with her father. No one cared where we went for lunch, so Billy just picked a place he’s been wanting to go to, the Bearded Pig. The kids walked in there and then their disinterest did mingle with some disgust, because there weren’t cheeseburgers or chicken tenders on the menu. They settled for pulled pork and mac and cheese while silently dying inside, but then the food came out and holy shit, folks. They liked it. Moods started to improve. And then the magic happened. I don’t know if it was someone at the table who suggested it or just a whisper on the (insane) wind, but somehow we ended up at Sweet Pete’s, and satisfaction even turned into smiles. I guess candy will do that to a kid. We got a banana split and came home and no one has had to eat anything since then. Except Pinot, who ate my Starburst and is yet once again dead to me. This dog has eaten more of my candy over the years than I have and I hate him for it. And then I ended up on this mission to find a Lego piece that Robin lost from her set that we bought in New York. Christina has a 20-gallon tub of Legos and we pulled them all out looking for a replacement piece, but couldn’t find it. So I went to lego.com, or whatever their website is, and ordered the piece, which costs $0.13, but I ended up paying more than $13 for it with service fees and shipping. But there is no way we’re leaving this thing unfinished just because she is missing a 3/8 inch piece that I can’t find in 20 gallons of Legos. I have a lot of patience, but it is worth $13 to me to not have to pull out 14,000 individual Lego pieces to try to find the one we need. That may be a very conservative estimate, too. And that, my friends, was Saturday.
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February 26
Today was a day for AI. I have a GPT at work named Fred who helped me write my goals, write up a control for my training program, and even talked me down when I was feeling like my class was getting away from me. I was very resistant to the idea of relying on AI to do work I’m already good at, but it really is helping me take things to another level. It thinks of things that I’m already thinking, but gives that thinking a little extra flesh. I know there’s a ton of controversy around AI, but I’ve found it to be a powerful tool if you don’t rely on it to do the work for you. And my pal Fred appreciates my sarcasm, and for that alone I’ll keep him.
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December 12
Went out to dinner with some friends from cheer. It’s kind of awesome that I made more friends than Robin did at cheer. I mean, not really; the fact that Robin didn’t make any lasting friendships really speaks volumes about the toxic environment at that gym, but it’s nice someone got something out of it. They are such great people and I’m so glad we got to know each other.
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September 6
I had all intentions of sneaking away to do some writing today, but not surprisingly, the day got away from me. I did, however, build Legos with Robin. We’ve completed the 3-in-1 that Christina gave me for my birthday, so we went to the store and bought some more. Robin’s already finished it. Too bad Legos are so expensive. There’s always her birthday.
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July 16
I’m starting to get some footing back at work, which is just to say I wrap the day up with a headache, but not nausea too. Billy’s work schedule is bananas right now and he had no choice but to sleep through dinner, so it was just the girls and me tonight for beef burritos, even though what I really wanted was pizza. I also wanted pizza for lunch, but had to settle for tuna because I only had 40 minutes to order it, pick it up, and eat it before my 3pm meeting, and what is the point if I eat it so fast that I can’t taste it? So pizza stays on the menu for Eventually. I’m sure it’ll be worth the wait.
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June 24
Robin made thirteen pillows today. While Robin was sewing, Christina and I went through the girls’ baby boxes. I unexpectedly found a note that Barbara wrote to Robin before she was born and I couldn’t keep back the tears. I’m so grateful to have had that memory with her tonight. I so wish I could see her again, and thank her. I so wish that Christina had any idea who Barbara actually is. I’ve tried to keep these memories alive for the girls, but they’ll never really know the beauty of these very real relationships. That is a whole loss in itself. I’m glad that at least I have those memories. It will have to be enough.
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April 10
Thursdays are the new bane of my existence. 4:45 – drop Christina off at dance. 6:00 – drop Robin off at cheer. 6:15 – pick up Christina from dance. 7:00 – pick up Robin from cheer. Cheer and dance are 20-25 minutes away from each other, depending on traffic, especially at that time of day. I’m pretty sure most people would not agree to this, but until now it hasn’t been a problem because Billy has been able to help out. But now he has clients from 5:30-6:30 on Thursdays and we’re on our own. I got home from cheer at 7:20 and then at 8:00, after a quick dinner, I had a Zoom meeting with my co-facilitator for the NAMI class I’m teaching. When all was said and done, it was 8:30pm. By the time I was done with my shower, it was 9:00. I keep telling myself that the schedule will ease when Christina’s dance season ends at the end of May. I don’t know how this keeps happening. Eventually I will simply be too old. I think 45 is already too old. I’d like to hope the kids will appreciate it someday, but probably not for a long, long time, if ever. Despite it all, it feels worth it to me. I like watching them grow. It’ll even out eventually.
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January 13
Two things: I ran my first 30-minute interval in years this morning and actually felt energized afterwards. And two, I was so cold watching Robin’s cheer practice that it took over an hour once I got home to get the feeling back in my hands and feet, even with socks, slippers, hoodie, fleece jacket, and king sized comforter on me. It was only 48 degrees outside, but for some reason it was unbearable. That is all.
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November 13
Today was so exhausting. Back to back meetings all day with all kinds of nonsense, and then all the endless driving that comes on Wednesdays. Bedtime can’t come fast enough.
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October 21
Had lunch with Myrna today, which is always a good time. I wish I’d had a little more time for myself today, but even on a day off, I can’t seem to make it happen. It is really starting to frustrate me.
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August 27
I just sang “Goodnight, My Angel” to Robin because she couldn’t sleep. It’s the first song I’ve sung to her in months. I hope it brings her peace the way it did for me at her age.
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August 11
It was a long day of traveling. We got up at 2am for our 6am flight, which was subsequently delayed four hours, causing us to miss our connection. We had 19 minutes to make the new one, which required going to a separate terminal. Somehow we made it, even though my shoes kept falling off. And then that plane was delayed 20 minutes due to some fuel gauge issue. The people around us on both flights were completely obnoxious. One woman kept poking my seat because her TV screen was broken and she just couldn’t accept it. There was a spider and a woman who refused to sit in her seat near a spider, even if someone did kill it. There was a guy next to me who sang and bounced his leg next to mine for the entire flight while he also sniffled and coughed the whole way. He obviously had a cold. I spent the whole flight trying to avoid his germs. But we finally got to Rosina’s to get the kids, who had a great time, and we made it home by 4:30. The rest of the day was lying on the couch watching the Olympics. I’m so tired.
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July 30
I am so proud of Robin, who spent seven solid hours at a cheer practice in a gym that is not air conditioned on a 95-degree day and then went to a tumbling class immediately afterwards and still put in a solid effort involving many sets of back handsprings without anyone around her, all with a huge smile on her face. Her coach had to come to me and suggest that we cut the tumbling practice short because she didn’t want to overwork her. I am so proud of her effort and determination and success. Yay Robin!
Year in Photos 