I have not been sleeping well for several nights now and I was very tired today. I still managed to knit a tail and a leg for my bunny and finish the book I’ve been reading, Lincoln in the Bardo. What an unusual book. Seeing Fort Sumter stirred something in me and I feel fascinated by the Civil War. Maybe because it feels like we are on the verge of it again. I have many loose-ended thoughts on it that don’t seem to lead anywhere just yet, but I can’t stop picking at it.
Tag: light
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June 17
Robin did her first tumbling in about a month. Her back handspring needs a little work. She landed on her face more times than not… but she’ll get it. It was good to see her back at it.
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June 7
Tonight I started a new NAMI Family to Family class online. I forget sometimes just how desperate I was when I first took the class, now 15 years ago. I hear it in people’s voices, the exhaustion, the sadness, the frustration, the overwhelming emotion, the helplessness and hopelessness… And I think about Mom and our story, the one I’m trying to write, the one I lived, the differences between them, the hurt I still carry. It’s not easy. It never was.
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June 4
Billy and I went on a date on a rare night where no one had any evening activities planned. We enjoyed Italian delicacies and talked and it was nice. I especially loved that it was his suggestion. I was absolutely exhausted for some reason but enjoyed it anyway. It’s nice to feel loved.
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May 1
My life is revolving around the bunny making. It now has a head, a face, two ears, two arms and half a body. It made waiting to have my car serviced and Christina’s dance classes pass by quite quickly. But the bunny butt will have to wait until tomorrow.
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April 25
I spent some time on the back patio with Billy after dinner, just talking. I didn’t realize how much I missed that. I think I talked a little too much about myself, but it’s at least a start. We’re both feeling our way through this.
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February 22
Back to work today and back to work indeed. By 8:00 I had both kids not speaking to me. I put Pinot on the market for five cents and got no takers. I think it’s time for another day.
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February 6
I taught Christina how to moon someone today. She thought it was absolutely HILARIOUS. What have I done?
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January 26
This is the first of a long string of weekends we’ll be traveling for cheer and dance competitions. There was a stretch of about 15 minutes that was very tense on the way to Orlando when my gas gauge turned on just before a 15-mile stretch of highway without a single exit. I made it with about ten miles to spare and Christina was none the wiser. Next time, AAA, next time.
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December 30
Today was a day of downs and ups and downs and very little in between. I wanted to get something sparkly to wear for New Year’s and I found five dresses at Goodwill in what I thought was my size, only to find that all but one were too small. I came home in tears, feeling ugly and fat and everything but sparkly. But then Robin and I made cupcakes for dinner at Rosina and Dion’s tonight, and that was fun. And dinner was fun. We played Apples to Apples and Robin won. Lots of laughing and fun. But then about ten miles from home, I got a flat tire. I managed to coast into a gas station and fill the tire with just enough air to get home, but that tire will be absolutely flat by morning at the rate it was losing air. Luckily I have a spare, and we made it home, so it could definitely have been worse.
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October 1
I think in 6th grade you don’t call them play dates anymore, but I took Robin to hang out with her friend at Barnes & Noble today. It was my first time meeting her and she seems pretty awesome. I’m happy Robin has a friend like her. Also, Barnes & Noble was jumping! I don’t know how they compete with Amazon, though I will say there’s something tantalizing about touching books before you buy them. I think books even have a scent. I bought some things for some people and I’m glad I went.
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June 1
My mind has been racing 1,000 miles an hour this week, and I’m having trouble keeping up with it. I have about 25 pots on the stove, and I’m trying my best to tend to all of them. Eventually this pace is going to catch up with me.
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February 26
It was a long, busy day and I am thoroughly exhausted. Showered, blew my hair straight for the first time in about a year and a half, went to church, went food shopping, baked a cake, cleaned the house, made mango salsa, had my sister in law and her family over, cleaned up, and now it’s now. I don’t know how I am going to make it through the next two weeks until my next vacation.
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February 14
I have so many things on my plate. Preparing a worship service for this Sunday, trying to fix the world’s problems at work, performance week at the symphony, Dad’s 81st birthday, Valentine’s Day, remembering to put gas in my car, responding to texts from friends as best I can, preparing NAMI classes, writing, going to the gym… It’s all being balanced sort of like the Cat in the Hat, who has a fish in a dish and a cake on a ball and who knows what else. But even he couldn’t pull all that off in the end. Something’s gotta give. I just don’t have it in me to give up.
Year in Photos 