I finally got all the medications I’ve been waiting for – picked up six of them this morning. How is it possible that I need that many medications? Sigh. The rest of the day was pretty blah. The kids did well on their state tests, and now they’re pretty much done for the year. Christina had dance and Billy made pork loin. Christina wanted to make cookies but we were out of chocolate chips, so she made peanut butter cookies instead. They were pretty good! I keep ending the day completely wiped out.
Tag: bedroom
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May 10
Christina and I wanted to go paddling this morning, but the weather was a little too iffy, so we decided to postpone. Instead we went to lunch at Wicked Barley, which was the best burger I’ve had in a very long time. Then we met up with Colleen and fam for dinner at European Street. I have eaten enough for three Mother’s Days. And I am ready for bed!
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March 12
My ankle still hurts after playing it “safe” and running on the sidewalk in the dark and not on the street, where I’m more likely to get run over if someone doesn’t see me. I was rewarded for that decision before I even rounded the corner, because I turned my ankle on some uneven sidewalk. It just keeps hurting more and more, which is annoying because I only got like two runs in after my last injury. The good news is it’s starting to feel better today, but with traveling next week, I will have to wait a little bit longer for my running fix. The good news is I found my headlamp, so I’ll be running on the flat pavement from now on.
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February 26
Today was a day for AI. I have a GPT at work named Fred who helped me write my goals, write up a control for my training program, and even talked me down when I was feeling like my class was getting away from me. I was very resistant to the idea of relying on AI to do work I’m already good at, but it really is helping me take things to another level. It thinks of things that I’m already thinking, but gives that thinking a little extra flesh. I know there’s a ton of controversy around AI, but I’ve found it to be a powerful tool if you don’t rely on it to do the work for you. And my pal Fred appreciates my sarcasm, and for that alone I’ll keep him.
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February 21
Now that Robin and I are talking again, we tackled the massive challenge of cleaning her room. Holy fucking shit. It was absolutely nauseating. There was something soaking wet in her hamper that had been sitting there god knows how long because the floor is now completely rotted where she had it. I am sure it was at least partly, if not mostly, urine. There were 83 soda bottles in there. Used menstrual pads. Used band aids. It was fucking DISGUSTING. I need to take two showers now. It took us four hours and 12 garbage bags to get it cleaned up, but it is now beautiful. We’ll see how long it lasts. I’m not sure it’ll make it until morning.
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January 15
I have been absolutely exhausted. Every time I start doing one thing, I get pulled into something else. Everything feels unfinished and chaotic. So when the kids started fighting about Kraft mac and cheese while I was trying to finish two other things at work, I kind of gave up on life. I tried so hard to solve the problem, but Robin wouldn’t talk to me except to say, “I don’t care” and Christina wouldn’t listen to me without interrupting me to say, “OK!” So by the time I got to dance, I was done. I was so done that I turned to the only person I could think of: ChatGPT. It recommended dinner out at Carrabba’s, and don’t you know, it was a good decision. It wasn’t perfect, but I did leave a little happier, if only utterly exhausted. What a day. I’m ready for bed.
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November 22
The day just seemed to fly by. Went out for a run, then to the gym, then to Panera for coffee, took a shower, and all of a sudden it was 1pm. Made a bunch of octopuses and took Christina to dance. We had hot dogs for dinner and watched Penn State pull out a great win. Maybe not the most exciting Saturday, but the day did feel full.
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October 2
I had the day off from work. I was disappointed that the weather didn’t hold out for paddling, so instead I went out for coffee and wrote for hours. As much as I love writing, it still felt like a waste of a day. I don’t know who will ever hear or read what I’m writing, so it feels kind of pointless. As does reading, which is just a way to pass time. It feels like everything I do is just a way to pass time. I’m not getting much out of it. Hence a long, long line of pretty shitty photos of basically nothing. I am not sure how to get out of this rut.
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August 21
Christina had a rough walk home from school. She somehow missed the walkers group and got left behind. Picked her up on the side of the road just before a storm and she was in tears. Poor thing. The other kid had photography club and seemed to like it. Need to get her into something… she is sliding into isolation and bad habits again. Billy and I are trying to be more present – and persistent – with her. Pretty sure she hates it. I guess that means we’re doing the right thing.
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August 15
I cleaned up my inbox, paid some bills, signed up for some races, fixed the not functioning air conditioner (with Billy), and cooked a yummy dinner, and now it’s time for bed. Good night.
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June 5
I set up three Apple Watches today. One for myself (my new one), one for Christina (my old one), and one for Robin, who had to unpair and reset hers since it wasn’t working right. There is something delicious about opening an Apple box. Even their packaging is well designed. Looking forward to tomorrow’s run.
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April 10
Thursdays are the new bane of my existence. 4:45 – drop Christina off at dance. 6:00 – drop Robin off at cheer. 6:15 – pick up Christina from dance. 7:00 – pick up Robin from cheer. Cheer and dance are 20-25 minutes away from each other, depending on traffic, especially at that time of day. I’m pretty sure most people would not agree to this, but until now it hasn’t been a problem because Billy has been able to help out. But now he has clients from 5:30-6:30 on Thursdays and we’re on our own. I got home from cheer at 7:20 and then at 8:00, after a quick dinner, I had a Zoom meeting with my co-facilitator for the NAMI class I’m teaching. When all was said and done, it was 8:30pm. By the time I was done with my shower, it was 9:00. I keep telling myself that the schedule will ease when Christina’s dance season ends at the end of May. I don’t know how this keeps happening. Eventually I will simply be too old. I think 45 is already too old. I’d like to hope the kids will appreciate it someday, but probably not for a long, long time, if ever. Despite it all, it feels worth it to me. I like watching them grow. It’ll even out eventually.
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March 6
I am teaching another NAMI course starting next week. It’s been a while since I did one; I’m a little rusty. I remember many years ago when I took my class, they were still doing the videos on DVD, and the technology at the time was a total hassle. You’d think we would have come a long way from there, but it turns out the technology issues don’t improve, they just change. I’m just hoping our venue has WiFi.
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August 20
I feel so ineffective as a parent. I wish I had someone to give me all the answers, to make this all just a little bit easier. It feels like we’re all groping around in the dark, running into each other and the wall, and no one can find the door or the light switch. I keep hoping to find the answers.
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August 12
Back to school today. Christina came home as bubbly as ever. Robin came home with a 103-degree fever. And so we begin.
Year in Photos 