Today was a day of working to fulfill obligations. Writing for an upcoming workshop, calling a friend, learning music to sing at tomorrow’s church service (nothing like the last minute), finding a babysitter. Even the things I do for myself are for other people. I don’t know what it is that I want. Sleep, mostly.
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February 3
It has been a rough week. A lot of tears, a lot of angst, a lot of trudging through endless emotional muck. February is not my favorite month.
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February 2
Exciting things that happened today: I started a new workout at the gym, I ate a peanut butter sandwich, I finished re-reading The Chamber of Secrets (now to re-watch the movie), I have a church meeting tonight. I can barely contain myself.
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February 1
Today Mom would have been 76. Even though she didn’t want to be here, the world was better for having her. I wish things had been easier. I hope she is at peace. I’m still picking up the pieces behind her.
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January 31
Today has been a day of truths and lies and trying to figure out which is which. And if that sounds like bullshit, it probably is.
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January 30
I had a very rough day today. Lots of tears, lots of very hard-won personal restraint. I may eat the remaining half a can of chocolate frosting from Christina’s birthday cake tonight. Not sure that solves a single thing, but also not sure I give a damn.
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January 29
We survived the sleepover. Christina is a little cranky today, which was to be expected. I decided to take a short hike at Losco Park. It’s not the most interesting trail out there, but it’s short and it’s close and on so little sleep, it works. It’s nice to be outdoors.
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January 28
For some reason I said yes when Christina asked to host a sleepover with four of her friends, never expecting that any of them would actually say yes. All four of them are coming, although only two are actually spending the night. I had to clean the living room and kitchen for the first time since we had to give up our cleaning service and it was so fucking gross. But now it is sparkling. It almost looks like we care. It won’t last, I know, so here is proof that sometimes the house can be beautiful.
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January 27
Finally a day where I get to sit down and hear myself think. I actually had time to help Robin with her homework and to take a photo before 10pm. I got to have lunch with chorus friends and even managed to create a useful spreadsheet with formulas, conditional formatting, and selective sheet protection that I also managed to share with the rest of my team so they could use it too. I felt like a genius, even if it did take me half the day.
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January 26
I am literally phoning it in this week, taking photos just to check the box. Life is too overwhelming for more right now. Billy told me we paid off a big loan today – accounting for almost half of our monthly debt payments. That’s huge. We’ve got a somewhat aggressive plan for the rest, but we’re going to do it. Imagine getting a paycheck and getting to keep it for myself! In about two years, that could be us!
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January 25
No scheduled activities today, but I still seem to have had zero down time for myself yet again. It’s already 10pm and I still have to fold laundry from last week! Gym, church work, work work, drive to pharmacy to pick up prescription that still isn’t ready, clean kitchen from dinner two nights ago, cook dinner, eat dinner, clean up dinner, play Harry Potter with Billy and Christina, pay bills, book cheerleading competition hotels, email teachers, put kids to bed, deposit checks (at least I am depositing and not withdrawing)… Not a minute free and no end in sight. I think that laundry’s going to go another day unfolded.
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January 24
I’ve had this string of long, hard days with almost no down time, and it’s wearing me down. Today was gym, writing assignment for Thursday’s worship class, work, pick kids up from school, go back to school for parent night, food shopping, pharmacy to pick up a prescription only to find my insurance won’t cover it for another three weeks for some inexplicable reason, to the restaurant to pick up takeout, more work, put kids to bed, take out garbage, Oak Island, and oh yeah, take a damn photo. I’m too tired for this. Tomorrow has to be easier.
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January 23
Went back to the gym this morning after a string of mild injuries, then a day filled with work, then scrambled to cook and eat dinner in 45 minutes (unless you make hot dogs in the microwave, I don’t think it can be done), took the kids to cheer practice, led my first-ever NAMI Peer to Peer class on Zoom, put the kids to bed, took out the trash, and now I’m too exhausted to go to sleep. This is the only photo I can manage today.
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January 22
The girls had an impromptu practice before this morning’s competition, and even though they didn’t pull off one of their stunts in today’s performance, they still improved their score by seven points from yesterday. They didn’t place well because they were in a tougher category today, but still something to be proud of. I think, though, that everyone was grateful to go home after this weekend. This stuff is grueling for everyone.
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January 21
Cheerleading is so exhausting. I’m sure for the cheerleaders, too. Robin loves it, though, and I love seeing her love something. Makes it totally worth it. Oh yeah, and for the first time ever, they did not come in last place! They pulled in seventh out of ten and earned a banner for the gym. I’m really proud of them. Day two tomorrow. Gulp.
Year in Photos 