I had to do math today, which is always risky. Somehow every time I work something out mathematically, when I try to recreate it later, I get a totally different answer. I can only hope I’m at least close. Otherwise the day was kind of a blur. I got so engrossed in work that everything else kind of blended into the background. We had shrimp tostadas for dinner and that’s always yummy. Robin cleaned the kitchen, and that will make tomorrow morning easier. It’s 9:33 but I’m pretty much ready for bed now.
Tag: mom
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January 16
It was another crazy day at work. So many meetings and so little accomplished when there is so much to do. I had to settle for yet another unfinished task when I left for dance. When we got home, we ate dinner in front of the TV, watching Penn State wrestling. You always know who is going to win, but somehow it’s entertaining anyway. By the time that was over, I was exhausted. I simply cannot keep up.
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March 25
I co-facilitated another NAMI class tonight. It went pretty well, but I struggle to feel that I am doing good. All I can do is push through. Which is the same message I’m giving myself when it comes to running. I am going backwards in terms of progress, but I will just keep pressing forward. Eventually I have to get un-stuck. For now, though, sleep. I am fucking exhausted.
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February 1
Today we had birthday cake in honor of Mom’s 77th birthday. I tried to come up with a story or memory to share with the girls but I couldn’t think of anything. That makes me sad. I don’t know if memories fade or if I actively forget, but sometimes I’m ashamed of how small she has become in my life. I miss her. I wish things had turned out differently. I wish I could have saved her. I hope she is at peace. And I wish I could think of just one good story about her to share with her grandchildren.
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November 17
I took the day off from work today and did some writing, a little shopping, and performed with the symphony. It needs to stop raining already.
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February 1
Today Mom would have been 76. Even though she didn’t want to be here, the world was better for having her. I wish things had been easier. I hope she is at peace. I’m still picking up the pieces behind her.
Year in Photos 