I just did not want to face life today. I am so exhausted and generally defeated, so I never got dressed today and I spent parts of the day lying on the couch, trying to summon the energy to do the next thing. I did manage to cook dinner, even though it wasn’t what I’d planned, so not a total loss. Billy had a football game and got caught in a thunderstorm, so who knows when he’ll get home. I just know that I’ll be in bed.
Tag: plant
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August 24
Today was a very hard day. I called the vet to see if there were other pain management alternatives for Jackson. There is a monthly injection, but because he has a history of seizures, there’s a possibility the injection could cause vertigo. He might have trouble walking, trouble with incontinence, disorientation. The other alternative is weighing whether it’s time to let him go. I cried for an hour after that phone call. I am exhausted. I think we are going to try the injection and see what happens. And I need to find out how to cook him healthy meals because this old boy has earned some five-star dinners at this stage in his life. My heart is broken.
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August 7
I’m working on another leadership presentation at work and feeling pretty good about it. I’m proud of the work I’ve done this year. Billy had his first “game” with his new football team. It was really a scrimmage and not a game, but now that he’s coaching high school, I have to get used to the hours. They play a lot later than the middle schoolers. He said they didn’t do well, but also said it didn’t matter because it wasn’t a game. I still have a lot to learn, I guess.
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June 11
I took part of the day off to run a bunch of errands ahead of our trip – post office to mail a birthday gift to Hailey, bank to get cash for Thomas, gym for the run I didn’t do this morning. It feels weird to do these things in ADVANCE and not at the last minute. Is this what being organized feels like?
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April 30
Billy’s aunt sent me this peace lily when my mom died 12 years ago. It has been slowly dying over the last month or two and I didn’t know what to do about it. I finally asked ChatGPT, which accurately diagnosed root rot due to inconsistent watering. Very little of the root structure is left, but at the bot’s advice, I cleaned away all the rotted stuff, cut back almost 90% of the remaining leaves, and repotted it with fresh soil in a smaller pot. AI says it’s got a shot. A small shot given what’s left of the roots, but more of a shot than if I’d done nothing. I decided to put the plant next to the jar of pennies I’ve collected off of the ground over the years. I went to a medium once, who told me that the pennies I’d been finding were little wishes my dad was leaving for me, so I started saving them. The jar I’d had the pennies in broke several months ago and they’ve been sitting in the broken pieces since then. Saving my mom’s plant inspired me to save my dad’s pennies. It only seems right that they should stand side by side, pieced back together as they are. I hope the lily makes it.
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April 5
I bought the bulk of the supplies today that I need to do the patio project. After taking measurements, my brain nearly exploded. Let’s just say this is no longer a $500 project. And also that I am expecting a 2-ton delivery of supplies next week. That I will have to move from the driveway to the backyard. By myself. I am doing this, I guess. I know I’m crazy, but I’m excited. It is going to be seriously hard work that is going to go on a long time, and I know I’m probably underestimating the work. But that last can of Intuition I-10 is going to taste so good next to that fire pit when it’s all done. I’m all in now.
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December 11
I have resorted to a mashup of ChatGPT translations and Magic 8 Ball responses to questions I am asked every day. It’s surprisingly satisfying. My favorite response so far is, “Concentrate and ask again.” This is in no way to say that I am better than these asinine and convoluted questions, but let’s face it. I am. Ask the Magic 8 Ball and it will tell you: “It is certain.”
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October 22
I feel like all I do here lately is talk about running, but lately running has been the best part of my day. This morning was a tough fartlek that I didn’t 100% complete. I was feeling pretty crappy about it until I looked at my stats and saw that when I stopped to walk for what I thought was a minute or two, it was actually only 15 seconds. And while I’d thought I’d skipped over several easy run intervals, I only actually skipped two. And also my hard pace was a 9:00 mile and my easy pace was a 11:30 minute mile, and both of those are much faster than my normal easy effort pace of a 13:00 mile. So actually it was a pretty good run after all. Plus I got to see the sun rise and it was beautiful. Otherwise I’m getting more ok with things at work. Not really ok, but more ok. And still making octopuses. Or aliens. Or jellyfish. Maybe all three. And the weather has been amazing. October in Florida is the best.
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July 18
It was a pretty quiet day, which was welcome. Christina’s and my new paddleboards arrived today and I officially put in for a day off next week to go out with her. I finished my latest knitting project, which means I officially have nothing in the works at all. I’m even almost done with my crosswords, too, just half a puzzle left. What am I going to do with myself for the rest of my life??
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June 7
Tonight I started a new NAMI Family to Family class online. I forget sometimes just how desperate I was when I first took the class, now 15 years ago. I hear it in people’s voices, the exhaustion, the sadness, the frustration, the overwhelming emotion, the helplessness and hopelessness… And I think about Mom and our story, the one I’m trying to write, the one I lived, the differences between them, the hurt I still carry. It’s not easy. It never was.
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April 28
Another seven-hour day with another hundred dances. Today Christina was in one of them. They looked great! Their production piece came in second place for the first time this season (it’s been first at every other competition). The dance that beat them was very good. And now it’s a downhill ride to recital and then the season is over! I am not getting the sense there will be much of a break when that happens. But I sure could use one.
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January 7
Robin got her first Shein delivery today, a sanctioned buy with her new debit card. The anticipation got her through her first cheer practice in weeks, and she wasn’t disappointed. The stuff she got is cute and she has 33 cents left to spend in her account. If there is a way to spend 33 cents, Robin will find it.
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September 27
Wednesdays are a marathon. Between work, dance, cheer, dinner, and literally hours of driving between them all, it is a lot. If you love me, don’t ever ask me to do anything on a Wednesday.
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July 15
We are back in Jacksonville. It has been an emotional few days on top of a very emotional few months. I’m just putting one foot in front of the other and hoping that I’m stepping in the right direction.
