I just sang “Goodnight, My Angel” to Robin because she couldn’t sleep. It’s the first song I’ve sung to her in months. I hope it brings her peace the way it did for me at her age.
Tag: night
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August 20
I feel so ineffective as a parent. I wish I had someone to give me all the answers, to make this all just a little bit easier. It feels like we’re all groping around in the dark, running into each other and the wall, and no one can find the door or the light switch. I keep hoping to find the answers.
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August 11
It was a long day of traveling. We got up at 2am for our 6am flight, which was subsequently delayed four hours, causing us to miss our connection. We had 19 minutes to make the new one, which required going to a separate terminal. Somehow we made it, even though my shoes kept falling off. And then that plane was delayed 20 minutes due to some fuel gauge issue. The people around us on both flights were completely obnoxious. One woman kept poking my seat because her TV screen was broken and she just couldn’t accept it. There was a spider and a woman who refused to sit in her seat near a spider, even if someone did kill it. There was a guy next to me who sang and bounced his leg next to mine for the entire flight while he also sniffled and coughed the whole way. He obviously had a cold. I spent the whole flight trying to avoid his germs. But we finally got to Rosina’s to get the kids, who had a great time, and we made it home by 4:30. The rest of the day was lying on the couch watching the Olympics. I’m so tired.
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August 7
Robin had an amazing cheerleading practice today. It was almost two hours of solid conditioning, and it was HARD WORK. He had them doing squats while carrying their teammates on their backs. Robin kept looking up at me in disbelief, but she did it. The only thing she didn’t manage to do was a back handspring. He wanted her to do it without help and she stood there for a two full minutes trying to psych herself up and never did it. She was holding her own until that point, and left practice pretty miserable. She’ll get it, even if she needs to stand there for two hours to make herself do it. Once she sees she can do it, it’ll be easier. I’ll keep sending her good vibes.
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July 23
I went outside to take out the recycling and saw this beautiful almost-full moon behind these dramatic wispy clouds, so I went inside to get my camera, and the moon almost immediately disappeared behind a big fat dark cloud. I did get the last few moments of its glow and the pleasure of having seen it at all before it disappeared completely, so not a total loss.
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July 9
I have not been sleeping well for several nights now and I was very tired today. I still managed to knit a tail and a leg for my bunny and finish the book I’ve been reading, Lincoln in the Bardo. What an unusual book. Seeing Fort Sumter stirred something in me and I feel fascinated by the Civil War. Maybe because it feels like we are on the verge of it again. I have many loose-ended thoughts on it that don’t seem to lead anywhere just yet, but I can’t stop picking at it.
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July 4
Made it home from South Carolina and spent the day doing absolutely nothing. For some reason I am absolutely exhausted.
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June 28
I spent an awful lot of time in meetings today and I am so exhausted. It is so time for a week off.
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June 17
Robin did her first tumbling in about a month. Her back handspring needs a little work. She landed on her face more times than not… but she’ll get it. It was good to see her back at it.
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June 11
It is disgustingly humid outside tonight, but I need to do something to try to turn this day around, even if it is 9:42pm. Fresh air never did me wrong. Beer and baseball don’t hurt, either.
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June 7
Tonight I started a new NAMI Family to Family class online. I forget sometimes just how desperate I was when I first took the class, now 15 years ago. I hear it in people’s voices, the exhaustion, the sadness, the frustration, the overwhelming emotion, the helplessness and hopelessness… And I think about Mom and our story, the one I’m trying to write, the one I lived, the differences between them, the hurt I still carry. It’s not easy. It never was.
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June 4
Billy and I went on a date on a rare night where no one had any evening activities planned. We enjoyed Italian delicacies and talked and it was nice. I especially loved that it was his suggestion. I was absolutely exhausted for some reason but enjoyed it anyway. It’s nice to feel loved.
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June 2
We did MORE tie dye today, and it came out fabulous. I also made the first ornament for my advent calendar, the Yankees won, and we went to see IF a second time, this time with Billy and Robin. I’m so jazzed with the tie dyeing… I may do more tomorrow. I’m straight outta 1965, baby.
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May 22
I didn’t realize there was a full moon until a cameraperson showed it at Yankees Stadium during the game. It was so bright, almost like daylight. Perfect night for werewolves.
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May 13
The power has been off and on tonight in the rain, which is funny because we’ve lived in this house for 11 years, including through a few hurricanes, and the power has never more than flickered before. It was out for about 15 minutes at one point and Christina was flipping out. Telling her about the time I had to go five days without electricity OR running water during a snowstorm didn’t help the way I thought it would. But Mother’s Day roses by candlelight really are quite beautiful, especially paired with the sound of rain falling on the roof. It’s so nice that even though the power came back on 45 minutes ago, I’m still sitting here in the dark. It’s so easy to forget to be still.
Year in Photos 