I had a great run this morning, which really set the tone for the whole day. I bought a bunch of yarn to make octopus keychains, but it’s too fat, so I decided instead to make granny squares. We’ll see how many of them I can get, and whether it’s enough to make anything of value. It’s nice to have something to do.
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October 16
I’m back to making these guys. I volunteered to make at least 50 of them by December 2 for the Kindermarket at school. I started last night and have so far completed 10. I was a little obsessive about it today, though. I really didn’t do anything EXCEPT crochet octopuses. But I’m having fun with it, and honestly, it’s nice to have a goal again. The last month or two has been so bland and boring, I needed something to do that has some kind of purpose. This isn’t all that exciting, really, but it has purpose. I’ll take it.
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October 15
I started keeping a running journal, which, ok, I don’t just journal. It has to look like this. I have just as much fun making it pretty as I do going out for runs to write about. It’s been a good way to stay motivated and track progress. I have been having so much fun with both the running and the journaling. Wouldn’t have dreamed it possible years ago. Back then I ran, but not because I loved it. I ran because I had to do SOMETHING, and I couldn’t think of anything better to do. I never really enjoyed it. But I don’t know, something this time around has been different. It feels like play. Even though I’m still way far away from my goal of running a whole 5k, I’m having so much fun practicing anyway. There are so many other things to love about it. Who knew?
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October 14
Billy had his last game of the season today, and they won! It’s been kind of a tough season for a few reasons, but it’s always nice to end on a positive note. Now what will he do with his days?
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October 13
Today was a holiday where about half the people I know had the day off and the other half didn’t. Full time employees had to work, but our contractor agency was off. Since about half our staff is made up of contractors, it was very quiet at work. The girls had the day off from school, but Billy had to work. It was odd but not entirely unpleasant. Robin got to try out her new false eyelashes (my, they are big, but they went along well with the beaming smile that came with them). I took Robin to the gym to meet her friend to play volleyball, but communication crossed and it turns out we were all planning on meeting at very different times. We will try again tomorrow, because the girls have ANOTHER day off. Also of interest today: Christina located the paddle we couldn’t find a couple months ago, so now we have three usable paddleboards, yay! Too bad only two of us like using them. Maybe I will try to sell or give away the old one. The weather has finally improved, and it’s honestly almost perfect. All in all, not a bad Monday.
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October 12
Robin turned 14 today, and I’m pretty sure she had an epic birthday. She met her friends Chloe and Faith at the mall for some shopping, and then we took them all to Olive Garden for dinner. Robin hasn’t stopped smiling all day. She is crazy into press-on nails, so Billy and I got her supplies so she can design and make her own. I am just so happy to see her so happy. There were days not that long ago that made days like this seem impossible. 14 years of a Robin-filled existence. We could not be any luckier.
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October 11
I willingly got up at 6:15am ON A SATURDAY to go for a group run at Ed Austin Park. There is a free timed 5k there every week and a couple friends of mine go regularly. I’m proud of myself for many reasons: Getting out of bed before daylight, and going to a place I was unfamiliar with to meet people I didn’t know to run a distance I didn’t think I could do IN THE RAIN. Ok, it wasn’t really raining, but it WAS misting, which is close enough to raining as far as I’m concerned. But I did it! I was aiming for a 25-minute run and walking the rest, but I only made it 22 minutes. I did not anticipate hills. And people who actually live near hills would sniff their noses at me because the things I am referring to as hills are hardly noticeable unless you’re running on them and you never run on hills. I think I could have done the full 25 minutes, but I was mad that it was harder than I anticipated, and I blame the DAMN HILLS. That are not really hills, but they’re as much hills as mist is rain. I planned on walking the rest, but I did run a bunch of it anyway, and finished the 5k in just over 42 minutes, which is actually right on track with my usual 5k finishing time. So yeah. Bottom line is I rule.
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October 10
Robin asked to go out for ice cream after dinner, so I told her to eat her broccoli and we’ll see. We ended up at the ice cream shop in the dark, but it was closed. I feel like the days of the ice cream shop may be numbered, which is disappointing, but we’ll see. We ended up at Publix and brought ice cream home instead. Unlike the ice cream shop, Publix has chocolate moose tracks, so I was happy. Plus, we spent the same amount of money and got three tubs of ice cream and toppings. Still, there’s something about sitting in the ice cream shop that makes ice cream taste better. But I’m glad I said yes to Robin when my impulse was to say no. A lot of times (not always) doing something is better than doing nothing.
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October 9
Had an awesome run in the morning – I have been running outside instead of on the treadmill, and I think it’s helping me take better control of my effort. I had fun and I finished feeling like I could have gone further. And, incidentally, my pace was faster than it has been on the treadmill. So I think I’m onto something. At least I hope so. I also got some stuff for Halloween – my costume arrived as well as the headband I’m planning to wear for my Halloween 5k in a couple weeks. My costume is awesome. I’m psyched. More on that later. Pretty good day.
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October 8
It was another not very exciting day. I definitely need some inspiration! Without cheer, I have no idea what to do with myself anymore. I may have to meditate on this a little.
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October 7
My day started out great and kind of slowly went downhill from there. It hasn’t been a bad day, it just went from great to meh very, very slowly. I woke up early and did a speed run outside, which I never do. I pretty much exclusively run on the treadmill. But this particular run didn’t work on the treadmill because the splits were too fast. It worked really well on the street. I finished feeling PUMPED UP. I had time to shower before work, which also left me energized, and then, well… work. It wasn’t a bad day by any means, but it slowly let the air out of my great mood. And now everyone else has gone to bed and I never really had a chance to be with them and I just feel kind of lonely and sad. I do think I need to do more outdoor running. That is going to require some creative scheduling. It’s not the first time I’ve had to shift things around, but it never feels easy when I do. For now, though, I think it’s time to call it a day. Lying in bed with my headphones on just feels like a nice way to end the day.
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October 6
Working on some attitude adjustments today. Seems to be helping a little. I’ve been listening to Coach Bennett’s Podcast and I can’t get enough of it. I’ve lost so much hope in my running, and his podcast is helping me turn my mindset around. I find it inspiring for my day to day life, too. Celebrate ALL the successes, celebrate the weaknesses (because they’re great opportunities to build strengths), if you can’t do the run you want to do, do the run you can do… Lots to take in, and I feel like I need to listen to it nonstop for two straight weeks in order to counteract all the negativity in my head right now. But it is helping. And also it’s not just about running.
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October 5
I’m trying to turn my attitude around. I didn’t do much today, but I did do something. Got dishes and laundry done, went out for coffee, brought my photo site up to date, took Robin to the gym to play volleyball with her friend, went food shopping, made dinner. It would be easy to say I wasted the day because I didn’t do anything memorable, which is true, but I also didn’t sit around doing nothing. I feel moderately more positive than I did yesterday, and I’ll take it.
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October 4
Today was the fall festival at school. Every year it seems to get smaller and smaller. I have no right to complain because I have never offered to volunteer, and I know they can’t do much without help from parents. But there were a lot of people there and they seemed to be having fun, so I’d say small but successful. Other than that, today was incredibly boring. I am completely out of ideas for things to do. I’d say I’m open to suggestions, but honestly I’ve suggested many things to myself and turned them all down, so it’s as much my disinterest as it is a lack of imagination. We’ll see what we can come up with tomorrow.
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October 3
Today didn’t quite live up to expectations, but it’s ok, really, because expectations were kind of low anyway. My run this morning sucked. After a couple really great runs, I had gotten hopeful that I’d finally broken through the barrier, but today I just couldn’t do it. I finished feeling insanely disappointed. Crushed, really. I feel I have tried everything and I can find no plausible reason for my lack of progress and it just makes me miserable. I’m still not giving up. I’m just enjoying it less. The day kind of never went up from there. I did go out for a short hike before it rained, which was nice, and I should have enjoyed it, but instead it made me sad because I remember a time when we would have hiked as a family and all enjoyed it, but now no one would come with me even if I paid them each a hundred dollars. That special time I had with them is good and gone. And then I went to the mall to get a birthday present for Robin and maybe buy that dress, but as I wandered around, I felt more and more indecisive and less and less inspired and ended up coming home with nothing. I spent the rest of the day reading a book I only like a little bit. And that was my “vacation” day. I’m trying to think of a way to salvage something from it, but I think honestly the problem is my frame of mind, and my mind can be astoundingly unmovable and stubborn, even if you show it exactly what to do and how to do it and why, with piles of evidence proving how important it is. This has not been my reality for such a long, long time that I actually thought I’d never feel this way again. But here we are.
Year in Photos 