Spent the evening feeling kind of down. Something happened at dinner that turned Robin’s good mood suddenly sour, and when I asked her what happened, Billy kind of scolded me, saying she won’t answer if I keep nagging her. So I felt shut down by Robin and shut up by Billy. I’ve been having a hard time picking myself back up from it, which is silly because it was really a little thing, but it stung. Now Robin is sleeping next to me and I feel about 2% better. I still wish I knew what the fuck she was thinking about at dinner. But at least she likes me enough to sleep next to me.
Author: peanut7312
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November 5
Got a squeaky clean bill of health at this morning’s annual checkup. Sadly the news didn’t come with a reduction in medications, but I guess it’s good to know they’re doing what they’re supposed to. When I was checking in, I had to fill out a psychiatric evaluation and I think it’s the first time in my life that I answered “not at all” to all of the questions. It’s still weird, but I guess I’ll take it!
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November 4
Robin and Christina stayed after school today for cheer tryouts. Sounded like it went pretty well, although I have my doubts about Christina’s participation since, you know, she takes 10+ dance classes every week. It doesn’t leave a lot of time for cheering at basketball games. But I couldn’t deny her sweet face when she looked so forlorn at not completing the tryout, so she goes back for day two on Thursday. Robin seemed to particularly enjoy it – I think deep down she still loves cheer and misses it. I’m so mad at her prior coaches for ruining it for her. But let’s see what happens. Anything Robin does that is not sitting in her dark bedroom is a good thing in my book.
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November 3
I went to bat for one of my employees today and I hope it works out. Made delicious barbecue chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner tonight – had to get the grill going early to finish in daylight. I am not a fan of setting the clocks back. Started reading Journey to the Center of the Earth in the car while Christina was at dance. Billy asked me why. Why not? It’s free on the app and I’ve never read it and it’s a classic… all good reasons in my book (no pun intended).
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November 2
I dragged the kids to the zoo today. What a beautiful day to walk around the zoo! Also, it costs like four times as much to go there than I remember. And not totally worth it, in my opinion. But we did have fun and we saw a lot of animals. It was good to get out of the house.
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November 1
I did the 5k run at Ed Austin Park this morning and finished with my best time yet. I stopped once near the end to walk for about a minute. I probably could have made it the whole way, but I kept speeding up without realizing it until I couldn’t handle it anymore. I felt great about it, though. The rest of the day was low-key. Finished the last octopus and bought supplies to make 50 more. Took Christina to dance. Caught up on my running log. Went for a short walk with Robin in absolutely beautiful weather. And made Pinot wear these tacky light-up glasses that Robin got in her trick or treat bag last night.
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October 31
Christina went trick or treating at a friend’s house this year, so Robin and I tried a new neighborhood nearby. It was way better than ours. Lots of people out, houses decked out with amazing decorations, just a great neighborhood vibe. Meanwhile in our neighborhood, it’s like Halloween never existed. Dark, empty streets. Glad we tried something new.
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October 30
I did a trail run at Julington Durbin Creek Preserve this afternoon. I figured since it’s flat and there aren’t ruts or roots to worry about, it’d be more or less just like running on the road, but the softer ground made it a lot harder. I did not succeed at an easy run, but I did have fun and then I hiked the rest of the trail for a total of about 5 1/2 miles. It was a beautiful day today, around 60 degrees and sunny, and so nice to be outside in nature. I went out for sushi with my chorus friends after Christina’s dance class and that was nice. And I hemmed a pair of pants for Christina. I’m definitely improving – both legs ended up a little short, but they were the same length and straight! Christina’s happy with them. That’s all that matters.
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October 29
I ended up taking a sick day from work today because I couldn’t keep my eyes open or my brain focused enough to do anything this morning. I went to the couch to lie down and woke up at 12:30, ate lunch, and went back to sleep until 2:45. It’s unfair that I go through this almost every month. The pharmacy is always out of the medication I need, and it takes days to come in. And since it’s a controlled substance, I can only order it one day before I run out, and I can’t transfer it to another location. Every fucking month. Some months are worse than others… this was one of the worst. I finally woke up enough to go out for hibachi with Billy and Robin (Christina was at dance). And now it’s 9:30 and I am so ready for bed. Thank god the medication finally came in tonight, so I’ll have it tomorrow. This is miserable!
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October 28
I am unbearably exhausted. I tried hard to get comfortable enough in the car to take a nap while Christina was at dance, but it turns out cars aren’t really made for the driver to get comfy enough to fall asleep. I contorted myself in many ways, and almost succeeded in getting comfortable once or twice, but mostly I was just trying to keep various body parts from falling asleep without me. And that is why I can’t wait to go to bed.
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October 27
Today was an average day. Nothing much special happened. Work was kind of slow, then I made dinner (spaghetti and meatballs), then went to dance, and then home to make more octopuses. And now I think it’s time for bed.
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October 26
I rocked this morning’s 5k. I finished in under 40 minutes, by far my best finishing time since coming back to running last year. I didn’t quite make it running the whole way, but it was pretty darn close. I am so proud of myself and the effort and work and patience that went into it. I feel amazing. The rest of the day was pretty productive. Made three octopuses and four napkins, went food shopping, cleaned the kitchen, did laundry… And now I am exhausted!
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October 25
I am getting better with sewing. I’ve learned how to wind a bobbin WITHOUT it getting tangled, and how to thread the bobbin and the needle ON THE FIRST TRY. I’ve gotten better at cutting fabric in matching sizes and sewing in straight lines. I took in the kids’ Halloween costumes and made these lined trick or treat bags, and it felt good. Robin and I went to the quilt shop across the street to pick out fabric and I bought way too much, so I think I am going to try to make some napkins with the rest. And if there’s any left over after that… we’ll see. Maybe a table “runner”. It’s a lot more fun to sew when you kind of know what you’re doing.
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October 24
I felt good about work today, which was a nice change from the past week. But I am also exhausted because I keep waking up before sunrise to go running and that is exhausting. But dude. I get to see the sun rise. Watching a sunrise is so much different from a sunset. It’s more intimate, because less people are witnessing it. This photo is not a sunrise, however. It was supposed to be a photo of grazing geese in the sunset, but the geese are evidently invisible. It’ll have to be enough to know they were there.
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October 23
I am fascinated with Robin’s nail designs and what goes into them. It’s so intricate and nuanced. She’s incredibly frustrated when something doesn’t work the way she wants it to – all my children definitely lack patience – but sometimes I can help her find enough hope to try again. That’s where we are tonight, but it is a delicate situation that could either lead to certain doom or to vindication and glory. I’ve witnessed both and I’m sure you can guess which one I’m praying for tonight.
