Today was one of those days. I’m doing my best to do the right thing. I don’t know if I succeeded 100% today, but I did at least try.
Tag: rose
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August 15
I finally had a day with nothing to do except work. And I did a shit-ton of it, too. Now if I could just get to the pool… I’d be golden.
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July 25
I had a tough day at work. A LOT of anger, some tears. And then it thundered when I had planned to go to the pool and I took the kids out to eat and forgot to bring my wallet. I’m continuing to watch the Ken Burns Civil War documentary and started to read a book of speeches by Martin Luther King. Although one involved the killing of almost a million Americans and one involved nonviolent demonstrations, there is a lot in common between the Civil War and the civil rights movement. At least I think so. Still developing that thought.
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May 16
I might have quit therapy today. We also made delicious chicken tikka masala for dinner and I took a shower. I bowed out of the worship committee at church and I feel so relieved. Feeling generally out of it. I haven’t even been able to put my heart into complaining this week. Maybe I need more sleep.
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May 13
The power has been off and on tonight in the rain, which is funny because we’ve lived in this house for 11 years, including through a few hurricanes, and the power has never more than flickered before. It was out for about 15 minutes at one point and Christina was flipping out. Telling her about the time I had to go five days without electricity OR running water during a snowstorm didn’t help the way I thought it would. But Mother’s Day roses by candlelight really are quite beautiful, especially paired with the sound of rain falling on the roof. It’s so nice that even though the power came back on 45 minutes ago, I’m still sitting here in the dark. It’s so easy to forget to be still.
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May 6
Robin got a back handspring without a spot for the first time today! I don’t know how these things progress, but maybe she’ll have one in time for next year’s cheer tryouts? Or at least maybe she’ll be close. She’s got a few more weeks. She is so proud of herself, as well she should be!
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March 26
Sometimes I do everything right and still everything feels wrong. It’s times like these that I wish I could tear my head out of my heart and just be happy being happy. It is the ebb of life. Eventually the tide will turn again.
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November 9
I went outside to check on Pinot in the backyard, because he likes to dig under the fence and disappear. He was sniffing around on the grass, so I lay down and looked at the sky a while. It was a really nice day, warm but not hot, sunny with a few clouds, not humid. I decided to pull a few weeds from the garden, which has really become overrun with them. I only intended to pull a few and go back inside, but after 20 minutes, I’d weeded half the garden. I cut my finger on something in the garden and I have dirt deep under my fingernails, but now I can see my flowers and they can breathe. There are still more weeds to pull, but it felt good to do something that means something. Something that yielded positive results. I feel like so much of what I’ve been doing lately has involved smashing my head into proverbial walls over and over and then being asked to do it again (but always with a thank you!). I’m tired. Beyond. But here is this rose that I found in the weeds. I think I have to work to find more roses.
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August 4
Life today was basically work and recovering from work. Billy didn’t sleep much today, so he slept through dinner all the way until he had to leave for work, so I really never saw him today. I’ve set time limits on the girls’ iPads and now they are doing all sorts of things to earn extra time – washing the car, cleaning out their closets, picking up dog poop in the yard… This new iPad thing might be a really good investment after all.
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May 8
Oh my god the last week has felt interminably impossible. I really thought today would turn the tide, but there’s been no relief at all. Anxiety has its hooks deep in my heart and stomach and lungs and it’s literally painful. Eating hurts, breathing hurts. I’m ready for a break.
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March 18
Today’s big spring break adventure was playing Phase 10 at Panera with the kids. It sounds kinda lame, but it’s these little kinds of things that stick with me as warm memories that I can draw on when things are tough. The memories of bigger moments are more like flashes of light that don’t last as long. So all things with value, both large and small.
Year in Photos 