I was so grateful to Billy for cooking dinner tonight. Robin had cavities filled this afternoon. It cost $242 and she still needs two more done. She has seven more in development. They offered a treatment that can reverse them, but it’s $100 per site and it’s not covered by insurance. This just isn’t acceptable anymore. I’m tired of life without consequences. So… from now on, we charge her 30 minutes of phone time for every cavity. I sincerely hope this helps it sink in. I’m exhausted from the strain of not knowing what to do all the time. Every decision feels so hard.
Tag: pinot
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September 12
We have been infested with tiny flying insects that only exist to annoy the crap out of every living soul around them. There was some horrific situation in the kids’ bathroom garbage can a couple weeks ago, and I feel certain that was the origin. I made the mistake of opening the lid and unleashed hundreds of them, plus the worst thing I have ever smelled in my life. It smelled like rancid vomit that had been sitting in a trash can for a month and a half. And then I made the next mistake and looked under their bathroom sink, and I won’t describe what I saw there except that apparently this is where you throw human waste when something is living in your garbage can. Anyway. Now we have little flying bugs everywhere and I hate them. I had to throw away my beautiful flowers because the bugs loved them more than I did. We will prevail. I hope.
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September 2
Today was a little better than yesterday. We made homemade pizza for dinner. Robin decided to make a calzone instead, and it came out of the oven looking like a Rolling Stones album cover. She didn’t see it. Girl has no imagination.
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August 27
We told the kids about Jackson at dinner. It was very hard. Robin had an especially hard time. But he had a pretty good day today, so maybe it’s not as imminent as we thought. He had ice cream for the first time and loved it.
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August 15
Billy and I had a date night at Java Game Haus. We played the Harry Potter game. It’s been a long time, but it was fun. It’s a little sad that we both started falling asleep at the table, pretty much exactly at 9pm. Other than that, we had pancakes and eggs for dinner, and they were REALLY good pancakes. I need to save this recipe. I spent the morning redoing most of the patio work I did the first two weeks. I thought I’d finish that today, but there is another day’s worth to do tomorrow. This is the neverending patio.
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August 3
It hit me around 8:30 – a wave of inexplicable sadness. It took me a while to remember that Mom died 12 years ago today. I think it hurts more now than it did then – not the same raging, overwhelming depression I felt then, but a steadily growing lump of guilt and regret that is so overwhelming that my only option is to ignore it. It’s surprising to see how much energy ignorance costs.
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July 7
Spent the evening working on vacation photos. I’m learning a lot about Photoshop, but I know I still have a lot to learn. I hope the photos look as good printed as they look on my computer screen. I hate the look of an obviously retouched photo. Getting close to being done – just 13 left to go.
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July 2
I spent the day working on my site design at work. Every time I do something, I think of a better way to do it and then I have to do it all over again. I think now I’ve got a good system, though, so I just need to build it. Luckily I’ve also developed the content already, so all I really have to do is transfer it to a different format. More work now, but much easier to update later. I’m really proud of the work I’ve been doing. I can’t wait to see it all come together. We had some good conversation at dinner, talking about Greek mythology and its Roman counterparts and why the compass always points north even when we don’t. And then I worked on more photo editing. I am now up to Wednesday. I’m getting a little tired of photo editing, but I can’t stop now, midway through. I must persist!
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June 25
Today I drafted formal procedures for the new training program I developed this year. I had a little help from artificial intelligence, I admit, but it had to get done by Monday, so a little cheating was necessary. Tomorrow I will work on building the documentation template to use as evidence of control effectiveness. It’s a little nerdy that I enjoy this. Otherwise today I grilled cheeseburgers about 12 seconds before a thunderstorm, worked on a Yellowstone jigsaw puzzle, edited vacation photos, and read more of my book. It is after 11pm, which means yet again I am not going to want to get up in the morning to go running. I really need to get out of this pattern because running is important to me. But so is sleep. And so good night.
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June 23
It was a pretty typical day. I managed to take care of some tasks that have been sitting on my list a while – getting Robin registered for high school, getting the kids enrolled in their respective camps, scheduling car maintenance and doctor’s appointments, rescheduling the cleaners… I still have more to do. But we played Yahtzee after dinner and I started editing vacation photos. I’ll get to the bills soon.
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May 29
We played the National Parks board game, which I thoroughly enjoyed even though I lost. Even Robin played without pouting. It was nice to do something together as a family that we don’t normally do. We haven’t done anything like that in a long time. Too many other things going on. Christina beat us all very handily. Guess she will be our tour guide at Yellowstone.
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May 12
We finally got some rain today. It rained all day and the dogs would not go out for anything. Pinot decided to take the opportunity to pee and poop in every room in the house today. It really never stops bothering me, and never starts bothering him. Billy is over it. I don’t blame him.
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April 23
I decided not to be lazy tonight and cooked a real dinner. It was kind of nice cooking. Robin’s been in a grumpy mood all day. Christina’s been trying to schedule a sleepover with her friend, but coordinating with her dad has been nearly impossible. It’s tough being at the mercy of your parents. I don’t remember how these things happened when I was younger. Magic. Probably still is.
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April 20
Everything hurts. My fingers, wrists, shoulders, back, arms, thighs, feet, toes… When I find a position to lie in that doesn’t result in pain, I don’t dare move. This weekend was the hardest work I have ever done in my life. It’s satisfying that I did it, but damn. I’m wrecked. It hurt to right-click my mouse at work. I slept from 9:15pm-7:15am and still feel exhausted today. No regrets, but I’ll be so thankful when I can hold a pencil without wanting to cry.
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April 14
I don’t regret my career decision late last year to take on this training role, but I very clearly did not anticipate the level of challenge I’ve faced over the last three months. Everything from scheduling pressures to insufficient content design to poor trainee performance to judgment from the leadership team to a complete unwillingness to change the operating model that clearly isn’t working. I didn’t anticipate feeling like such a complete failure after so short a time with little to no hope for a way out. I’m disappointed by selfish motives and closed minds. If I hear one more person say, well, this other person did it this way ten years ago and it worked fine, I may lose my bananas. This job has me feeling a range of emotions that I’m not used to feeling every day. I’m frustrated but up for the challenge. I just wish I had some better outlets to blow off steam than doing NYT crossword puzzles, knitting, and rifling through music in the dance studio parking lot. Right now there’s no balance and that’s no good. This patio project I’m starting will either give me the personal lift I need or crush me even further into despair. How’s THAT for pressure? Do I ever learn anything?
