We attempted an escape room today. Billy and the girls had never done it before and I thought it’d be fun. It turns out we are not all that good at puzzles. It took us almost 20 minutes to solve the first one, which didn’t leave much time for anything else. But I think everyone had fun and now we HAVE to try again.
Tag: caitlin
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February 18
We played Mind the Gap tonight, and Christina cried real, actual tears because she felt incapable of rolling a high number on the die. Had we rolled more fives and sixes instead of ones and twos, we might have had a chance. Billy had to ice it by saying she could have as many cookies as what she could manage to roll. She rolled a two. Girl should never bet on craps, is all I’m going to say.
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February 15
Christina and I got pedicures today. I also bought myself a bikini – the first one I have dared to buy in probably at least 20 years. Robin and Christina said it looks good on me, and they’re usually pretty quick to say when something doesn’t look good on me. We also went food shopping in like 45 minutes from the time we left to the time we put away the last item in the fridge. So it’s been a pretty good day.
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February 11
What a waste of a day. I ran out of medication and the pharmacy couldn’t refill it, so I ended up on the couch all day. I did manage to stay awake long enough to finish making all those octopuses and play a few rounds of Uno Attack (taking short naps while people dealt the cards). Some days this is all I can manage.
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February 5
It’s been 33 years since Dad died. I realized in the car today at some point just how small a part he had in my life. I’ve lived almost three times as long without him as I did with him. And yet he is such a big part of me. I wish I could have known him better. I’d love to meet him in a coffee shop and talk about what he wanted from life and what he misses most about it. For now, I have his drawings hanging over my bed, a ring, and some faded memories left to linger. Dad, wherever you’ve gone or not gone, I love you. As little time as we had together, you remain big inside me. I still use the alarm clock you gave me in sixth grade. I can’t decide if it’s sad or touching that it’s one of my most treasured possessions. Whatever the case, I hope this day finds you at peace, knowing you are remembered, and loved. And thanks for the alarm clock. It still works great.
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February 3
Robin is dealing with the heart-wrenching reality of low self esteem paired with other insecure teenagers pressing on it. I wish I could insert some self confidence in her, but it has to come from her. One thing I have had to learn over and over as a mom is that I can’t fix everything. Sometimes the most helpful thing I can do is sit with her in silence while she works things out for herself. The good news is that it does seem to help in its own slow but meaningful way. If nothing else, she should always know that I am in her corner no matter what. No one could love her more.
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January 24
I bought these jeans in New Orleans, and I swear they fit comfortably four days ago. Today they are tight. I am trying not to lose my mind over it.
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January 20
Long day of driving after a very busy weekend with very little sleep. The last 3 1/2 hours on I-10 were a slog. Came home wired and excited to talk about the weekend, but now I think I can sleep for a month.
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January 7
Tuesdays are the best. Made meatball subs for dinner, kicked everyone’s ass at Uno No Mercy all night long, and started knitting another sweater for Pinot. It’s Penn State blue, so I am on a mission to finish it before the Penn State game on Thursday. One day? While I’m working and taking people to cheer and dance? NO PROBLEM.
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2024 in Review
Reminiscence starts at the end… and the beginning. 2024 has come to an end and 2025 beckons us forward.
I have always looked at the end of the year more as a circumstance than a true opportunity. Beginning a year on January 1 feels arbitrary when every day marks the passing of a year. But then again, why not begin a new year on January 1? And January 2? And every day after that? If nothing else, when the calendar year ends, we get to eat deviled eggs and wear silly party hats and watch fireworks going off in every direction. Arbitrary or not, this year I say, why not? Let’s go for it.
Minutes after midnight Christina took down our 2024 calendar and put up 2025. I have made one every year since 2005. This year’s cover sets the tone with a quote from Abraham Lincoln: “The best way to predict your future is to create it.”
Flip to the first page and you get this: “A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”
I think the sentiments go together. Resolving to create the future we want doesn’t make it happen. We make it happen. Not just on New Year’s Day, but every day. Every day, whether the most memorable moment is the dog sleeping on the couch or going on our first trip without the kids since before they were born. All those moments strung together make a future. We need to make it worth remembering.
So for 2024 we have 366 days of photos, cataloguing a year of our future, and now our past. Nothing very momentous happened this year, but for me, something definitely shifted. I don’t know why. We didn’t have one or two big moments worth remembering this year, but we had lots of little ones that when added together, filled me up in a way I haven’t experienced probably ever in my life.
I gave up the chorus for cheerleading and dance. I got back to the gym and started running again. We didn’t have much money for traveling, so we spent our breaks together redecorating bedrooms and taking a short trip to Charleston. Billy and I saw our first Yankees game in the Bronx in more than 11 years, and we got to share that game with Siggi and Brett. Billy and I came to the absolute brink of disaster this Easter, but with the help of an excellent counselor, found our way back. That change began to bring Robin out of her shell, and while she still hates playing board games with us, she smiles sometimes too. I’ve missed that smile.
We had hard moments too, times where the Universe pushed us to learn from and respect our imperfections. And as hard as those moments were, we hung in it together. For so many years, we lived our lives together but in isolation. This year, we faced our challenges together and came out stronger on the other side. Coming to the brink of divorce forced us all to change the dialogue. Billy had to learn to engage and I had to learn to follow more and lead less. Whatever we did differently this year, it worked.
So now 2025. I don’t expect much to change this year. I hope we continue to grow, lean on, and learn from each other. I want to run a 5k without stopping. I want to win the Harry Potter game. I want to go on more dates. When opportunities come up, I hope we don’t get too comfortable on the couch to jump on them. When opportunities don’t come up, I hope we create them ourselves.
I know we can achieve these things. We have already achieved these things. Maybe we can’t go wherever we want or do everything we want right now, but we can go somewhere and do some things, and for me, I’ll take it.
No. For US, I’ll take it.
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December 31
We finished the year strong with a Penn State football playoff win, deli sandwiches for dinner, a challenging game of Mind the Gap, and party hats. More importantly, we finished – and started – the year together.
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December 21
Today was a lazy day of doing nothing, followed by the Run Santa Run 5k. The girls did the one-mile run (which we walked) and then I did the 5k. I beat my Thanksgiving time by almost five minutes. It was a chilly night (under 50 degrees!). My Santa jacket wouldn’t stay on and my pants kept falling down and I couldn’t fix either because I had my phone and car key in my hand. I ran with Monica, who goes much faster than I do. We hung in together for two miles, but I finally had to set her (and me) free. I think she’s a big part of the reason I finished with such an improved time. We did 60/30 splits, but her running pace during the 60s was over a minute per mile faster than my usual pace. I am so glad I did it, I’m so happy the girls did it, even though Christina was mad at me for not letting her bring her iPad and Robin was too cold to enjoy anything. I feel so good right now, like I can accomplish anything. I kind of already have.
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December 2
I am so cold. I can’t wait to get under the comforter and thaw out my nose and toes. It’s not even that cold outside (50s, maybe?), but I am freezing. Yay winter?
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November 20
The kids looked through some of the jewelry Mom made and picked out a few things to keep tonight. I wish Mom had been the one to give it to them herself. I think it would have made her so happy.
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October 31
Robin kept removing pieces of her attire that got uncomfortable until we were almost home and then she got a briar stuck in her toe and I thought we might have to call an EMT to hold her down while I tried to remove it. Just a few tears shed. Christina punched out early when she had to pee and then she never came back. I think despite it all, everyone had fun. These were some of the most fun costumes we’ve ever done. And even I dressed up! I cannot even remember the last time I wore a costume for Halloween. High school, maybe? It was fun and we got a lot of compliments. And I am so relieved I don’t ever have to wear contacts ever again.
Year in Photos 