• Surely not two days in a row… Today it took over and hour to go less than three miles from school to dance class. Apparently the holdup has been a water main break that shut the whole road down for almost two days. They opened up one lane today, so I could see the huge…

    May 18
  • This is the only photo I took yesterday and it is terrible. I was on my way to a meeting that is actually being held NEXT Wednesday. They had shut down an entire exit just before the bridge and it caused unbelievable rush hour traffic. I realized my mistake just after getting off the bridge…

    May 17
  • Today was a LOT better than any day in the last two-plus weeks. I am so relieved. I have no idea what changed. I guess it doesn’t really matter.

    May 16
  • The endless anxiety continues. I flaked on booking our summer camping reservations at Acadia and now there’s nothing available. That’s not helping my mood. Trying Natural Calm and taking walks outside with the dogs. Been editing photos from a shoot with the cheer team a week or so ago. I’m glad to have an outlet.

    May 15
  • The team came in second place by 0.1 point. Had they not had that one deduction, they would not only have won their division, but their entire level. What a difference from the start of the season. Also Robin did so well on her end of year testing at school. So freaking proud of my…

    May 14
  • The girls did so great at their competition today. The coach said they scored over 90, which is way above their previous high score. It’s still quite low compared to their competition, but they’ve come from a score in the 60s at the start of the season to here, and that is a really big…

    May 13
  • Another cheer weekend. There is so much swimming in my head and I don’t know how to let any of it out. Nothing makes sense. Need sleep.

    May 12
  • At dinner tonight, Billy asked Robin to name the main types of rocks and she listed off: igneous, sediment, and Dwayne Johnson.

    May 11
  • I decided to go to the park while the girls were at cheer practice, thinking I’d read under a tree, but then I thought why not a short hike? I figured I’d be done in 45 minutes, well before sunset and when I’d have to leave to get the kids. Except I miscalculated the distance.…

    May 10
  • My stomach unclenched for the first time in over a week today. It’s the first time I felt hungry since last Monday. It hasn’t been consistent, but it’s the first bit of relief I’ve had in what feels like forever. Also today: I spent 40 minutes in line to pick up a prescription from Walgreen’s.…

    May 9
  • Oh my god the last week has felt interminably impossible. I really thought today would turn the tide, but there’s been no relief at all. Anxiety has its hooks deep in my heart and stomach and lungs and it’s literally painful. Eating hurts, breathing hurts. I’m ready for a break.

    May 8
  • It turned out to be a good trip. I made a kick-ass fire and sat watching it until almost midnight. And then we did some hiking along the river. We saw a couple of bunnies on the trail, too. The weather was perfect, no bugs. I’m glad we did it.

    May 7
  • I got a call on Friday night while we were sitting at dinner saying that we hadn’t shown up for our camping reservation, so here’s the gate code so you can get in after hours. I thought I had cancelled that reservation months ago. My first inclination was to go ahead and cancel the second…

    May 6
  • It was another tough day, so I took everyone out to eat, trying to get myself out of my head. Christina was in top form. She wriggled and danced and was absolutely silly the entire time. Good for taking my mind off things. Also I had pizza.

    May 5
  • Busy day. Dance class, birthday party, cheer practice, church meeting… Good to be busy.

    May 4