I didn’t get to have my birthday martini on my birthday, so we went out tonight and celebrated my mom on the anniversary of the day she died. A martini costs the same as a two-course entree and soft drink. The days have been getting away from me, but it’s important for me to remember. I wish there were no regrets, but my relationship with my mom is full of regret. Love and regret. But I raise a toast to her and the continued peace I hope she finally has.
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August 2
Back to work today. I came back to an overwhelming backlog of work and really big looming deadlines. I don’t know if it’s possible to do all that has to be done without working a lot of extra hours. I’m so frustrated with what needs to be done and what is actually getting done. There is a big divide between those two things.
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August 1
Drove home today and I am relieved to be back. It was a very difficult trip for me. I don’t think the kids will ever want to go hiking with me again. I killed them with mountains and heat and humidity and bugs and also mountains. I also really struggled to keep myself grounded. I spent the whole trip trying to make it special for everyone else, which only made me miserable because everyone else seemed to be miserable… which was obviously my fault since I am the resident orchestrator of happiness. I’m just glad it’s over and now I have to go back to the grind and hopefully find a way to bring back some joy for myself, if no one else.
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July 31
There was a bit of a mental breakdown today. I have been trying to make everyone around me happy on this trip and it just hasn’t worked. Robin hated me for making her hike up two mountains, Billy didn’t seem to want to hike with us at all. I felt like I was bringing Siggi and Brett into drama they don’t need. I finally broke down at the end of the day when I didn’t understand the GPS and then I drove over a curb. It was ugly. But I stole this smile from Robin when she wasn’t paying attention and I’ll take it. Maybe she doesn’t hate me completely.
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July 30
We went into Asheville today, which was a lot of driving for a hamburger and poking around in shops we have no business being in. It was a little disappointing. But we came home and made bouncy balls and grilled up some pesto pizza and Brett even got a modest fire going with some damp firewood so we could roast s’mores.
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July 29
I hemmed and hawed and fretted over whether to take out the SUP and use it at Lake Santeetlah. I haven’t used it much and I’m not confident with it, plus there were a lot of people swimming where I wanted to paddle. I was so self conscious. But I did it (no thanks to the kind gentleman who tried to help with his electric pump but instead of inflating it pressed down the air valve so that after I had finished hand pumping it and I disconnected the pump, all the air shot out of it), and we had a lot of fun paddling around the lake. Robin was a little scared to be out by herself, but Christina paddled all over the place for almost an hour and even stood up a couple times. She was even kind enough to give me a turn, which was nice of her. The kids were just thrilled they didn’t have to hike anywhere today. We also introduced them to disc golf, but oh my god it was way too hot and humid. Thank goodness Brett suggested disc golf first so that we could cool off at the lake afterwards. Robin really liked it. Maybe we’ll get a couple discs and play when we get home too.
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July 28
Today we went for a short hike up Black Balsam Bald. We watched a storm rolling in toward us for the whole hike and ALMOST made it back to the car without getting caught in it. What is a hike up a mountain without getting caught in the rain?
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July 27
Another year older. We went on a short nearby hike to this waterfall, where the girls and Siggi and Brett went for a swim. We played my new board game that Siggi gave me for my birthday called Wingspan. I won! Then we went out for dinner at a stream-side restaurant in town with great pizza. Finished the day with chocolate cake and a candle found on top of the dining room cabinet. Not too bad.
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July 26
Our latest adventure. Long day of driving followed by lots of trees, an outdoor deck, a hot tub, and the best friends a girl could have.
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July 24
Billy finally got his car back today after hydroplaning over a month ago on June 17. We have gotten so used to living with just one car. It helps that I work at home and he works overnights. I am so glad I won’t have to drive the same car he did right after going to the gym (god that man sweats a lot when he works out, yuck). Or drive around with millions of water bottles and sunglasses all over the place, or change the radio station every time I get in the car, or close the windows and turn on the a/c (really, no a/c in 99-degree weather with 97% humidity?), or adjust the mirrors or the seat. In short, Billy’s not the only one happy he has his own car again. P.S. I sort of feel like these geese could be on their own Abbey Road album cover.
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July 22
Billy had the idea to let the girls paint their bedroom doors however they wanted, so I bought them some paint, laid down some tarp over the floor, and let them at it. I went out for lunch with Myrna while they were still working and they were done by the time I got home. I love the creativity.
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July 21
I did this today. I asked the stylist to cut at least four inches off, which she 110% did not even come close to doing. It’s like she just got tired of working on it. She snipped next to nothing. Also I thought she rushed the coloring. I think the color would have been more vivid if she’d let it set a little longer. Not thrilled with it, but I do like it. The kids love it and now they want to get their hair colored. If it didn’t cost $350, then maybe I would. It sucks not being rich.
Year in Photos 