I moved five tons of paver gravel today all by myself, except for the last half hour when I finally gave up and asked Robin to help. My body is just done. Every muscle hurts and I can barely keep my eyes open. This weekend was so much more work than I expected. I underestimated how much material had to be moved by over 8 tons. The worst part is after all the work I did this weekend, all I have to show for it is the same exact pile of crap that was in my driveway, just somewhere else. I am not going for a run tomorrow. These last two days were the hardest workout of my whole life. I’m tired but proud. The work that’s left isn’t easy, but it’s nowhere near this hard, so whew.
Author: peanut7312
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April 18
Billy, Christina and I moved 5.6 tons of patio materials today. Talk about hard work. We (well, I) have another 3 tons to move tomorrow. Billy has to work, so I’m on my own. I’m pretty exhausted, but motivated to get it done. After this marathon, I can go at my own pace because the patio doesn’t block the driveway like this stuff does. I was insanely hungry today, not surprisingly. I also need to be better about drinking water. I had four liters of water and never had to pee. I’m proud of what we did today. Makes the back pain hurt a little less. Just a little.
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April 17
The patio materials arrived today. Billy doesn’t think I can get it all moved in six hours. I hope he’s wrong, but he probably knows better than I do since it’s literally his job to move freight. I am hoping not to have to work when it gets hot, and I really want the use of our driveway. I’ve got my work cut out for me. I’m excited to get this party started. We’ll see if I feel the same on Sunday.
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April 16
I had to do math today, which is always risky. Somehow every time I work something out mathematically, when I try to recreate it later, I get a totally different answer. I can only hope I’m at least close. Otherwise the day was kind of a blur. I got so engrossed in work that everything else kind of blended into the background. We had shrimp tostadas for dinner and that’s always yummy. Robin cleaned the kitchen, and that will make tomorrow morning easier. It’s 9:33 but I’m pretty much ready for bed now.
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April 15
I feel a little better today than the last few days. I have a little hope. I needed some hope. Also Billy, Robin, and I went to the Loop for dinner (Christina had dance). Everyone was in a good mood, so that also improved my mood. Cherry on top was I finally finished this Saturday crossword I’ve been working on for like a week. Sometimes I just need to see things in a different light for them to become clear.
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April 14
I don’t regret my career decision late last year to take on this training role, but I very clearly did not anticipate the level of challenge I’ve faced over the last three months. Everything from scheduling pressures to insufficient content design to poor trainee performance to judgment from the leadership team to a complete unwillingness to change the operating model that clearly isn’t working. I didn’t anticipate feeling like such a complete failure after so short a time with little to no hope for a way out. I’m disappointed by selfish motives and closed minds. If I hear one more person say, well, this other person did it this way ten years ago and it worked fine, I may lose my bananas. This job has me feeling a range of emotions that I’m not used to feeling every day. I’m frustrated but up for the challenge. I just wish I had some better outlets to blow off steam than doing NYT crossword puzzles, knitting, and rifling through music in the dance studio parking lot. Right now there’s no balance and that’s no good. This patio project I’m starting will either give me the personal lift I need or crush me even further into despair. How’s THAT for pressure? Do I ever learn anything?
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April 13
Billy and I got married 18 years ago today. Christina had dance right at dinnertime (naturally), so we went out for lunch instead. Not the most romantic anniversary ever, but we’re not the best at romance. Or, I’ll just be blunt: Billy is not the best at romance. He thinks dirty socks and butter boxes sealed with Elmer’s glue make good wrapping paper. It was a nice lunch, though. We went to Canopy Road for brunch and we got a lot of things off our chest. Luckily we only complained about people other than each other. That to me is a very productive date. Who needs romance?
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April 12
Day two of dance competition was a lot easier than day one. I got to watch the production piece from backstage because I carried a table onstage. They won a golden egg! Christina’s pieces didn’t do as well at competition this year as they did last year and I think she was disappointed. I’m proud of her anyway. She puts her whole heart into it and it shows. It’s almost worth the 16 hours I spent there to watch her four dances. Nah, it was definitely worth it. Love this kid.
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April 11
Christina had a dance competition today. It was a very long day – we left home at 12:45 and got home at 9:45, with no time for lunch or dinner. Christina looked great, though! It was the last time she’ll perform her trio. Big smiles on their faces! They won a judge’s choice award for electric energy, and they deserved it. That’s impressive after being there for nine hours. Proud of our girl!
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April 10
Today frankly sucked. I just feel so inept. My training redesign was summarily rejected, my class is failing, and their leaders are pointing at me for their failure. I just want to give up. I’ve let everyone down, especially myself. I need to do something to lift my spirits, but it’s almost 10pm and I’m too depressed to think of anything positive to do. I can’t even focus on my crossword puzzle. I should just go to bed and hope I wake up feeling better.
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April 9
I’m going to have to do a lot of ground leveling for this patio project, which I realized as I was grilling cheeseburgers. Luckily I will have lots of fill. As I wait for the materials to arrive, I’ve been creating a hard labor playlist on Spotify, which has been fun. I haven’t made a playlist in forever. I love discovering new music. Reminds me of this dream I had the other day where someone asked me to make them a mix tape, actually on a tape. So I had to start thinking about where I was going to find a tape recorder, and a CD player, and then I would need CDs too… And then I realized I had a turntable, so maybe I didn’t need CDs, except I didn’t have any records either. It was a dilemma. Spotify makes this all so much easier.
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April 8
I got up early to go for a run, but it turns out I am not hardcore enough to run in the rain and wind. I ended up surfing Spotify for an hour instead. Tomorrow should be drier. Otherwise feeling pretty caught up at work for the first time in months and I don’t know what to do with myself! I’m putting the extra time into finding ways to never let this happen again. So far so good. Otherwise it was dance and gymnastics and McDonald’s on the way home. The Yankees lost. I guess they’re allowed to lose sometimes. I guess. It’s time for bed, yo.
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April 7
I was having a decent day until I went to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription for Jackson that I dropped off yesterday only to find, after waiting in line for 15 minutes, that they had no record of the prescription at all. They lost it. So now I have to go back to the vet to get another copy of it, drop it off AGAIN, wait for them to (hopefully) fill it, then go back for a fourth time to (hopefully) pick it up. I am so angry. I shouldn’t let Walgreens ruin my day, but lately I have been letting little things get to me more than usual. I think it may be that I’m overtired or that I don’t have enough going on to balance out the bullshit, but it’s exhausting always being angry at everything. Especially since I can’t do anything about it. I need to go to sleep.
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April 6
Today was just annoying. Idiotic things got to me and I got a headache. I took a short nap and it went away, but now I’m just exhausted and all I want is ice cream and beer. I settled for two Starbursts and pajamas. I can’t wait to go to bed.
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April 5
I bought the bulk of the supplies today that I need to do the patio project. After taking measurements, my brain nearly exploded. Let’s just say this is no longer a $500 project. And also that I am expecting a 2-ton delivery of supplies next week. That I will have to move from the driveway to the backyard. By myself. I am doing this, I guess. I know I’m crazy, but I’m excited. It is going to be seriously hard work that is going to go on a long time, and I know I’m probably underestimating the work. But that last can of Intuition I-10 is going to taste so good next to that fire pit when it’s all done. I’m all in now.
