Today didn’t quite live up to expectations, but it’s ok, really, because expectations were kind of low anyway. My run this morning sucked. After a couple really great runs, I had gotten hopeful that I’d finally broken through the barrier, but today I just couldn’t do it. I finished feeling insanely disappointed. Crushed, really. I feel I have tried everything and I can find no plausible reason for my lack of progress and it just makes me miserable. I’m still not giving up. I’m just enjoying it less. The day kind of never went up from there. I did go out for a short hike before it rained, which was nice, and I should have enjoyed it, but instead it made me sad because I remember a time when we would have hiked as a family and all enjoyed it, but now no one would come with me even if I paid them each a hundred dollars. That special time I had with them is good and gone. And then I went to the mall to get a birthday present for Robin and maybe buy that dress, but as I wandered around, I felt more and more indecisive and less and less inspired and ended up coming home with nothing. I spent the rest of the day reading a book I only like a little bit. And that was my “vacation” day. I’m trying to think of a way to salvage something from it, but I think honestly the problem is my frame of mind, and my mind can be astoundingly unmovable and stubborn, even if you show it exactly what to do and how to do it and why, with piles of evidence proving how important it is. This has not been my reality for such a long, long time that I actually thought I’d never feel this way again. But here we are.
Year in Photos 