I have wanted to take this photo for about two weeks but have felt too self conscious to do it with people watching. Today some security guards watched me intently but didn’t say anything and now I’ve got it.
Author: peanut7312
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February 16
Dealing with childcare is incredibly anxiety-inducing for me. I spent an entire hour at tonight’s chorus rehearsal panicking over whether I’d need a babysitter and then whether she’d be available if I did need her, and then when I thought she couldn’t come, I started planning what to do if I didn’t get home before Billy had to go to work, and then after all that, we finished in about 15 minutes and I made it home just in time. I seriously can’t do this anymore. I love singing with the chorus, but the stress is killing me.
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February 14
I have so many things on my plate. Preparing a worship service for this Sunday, trying to fix the world’s problems at work, performance week at the symphony, Dad’s 81st birthday, Valentine’s Day, remembering to put gas in my car, responding to texts from friends as best I can, preparing NAMI classes, writing, going to the gym… It’s all being balanced sort of like the Cat in the Hat, who has a fish in a dish and a cake on a ball and who knows what else. But even he couldn’t pull all that off in the end. Something’s gotta give. I just don’t have it in me to give up.
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February 13
I have overloaded myself with responsibilities and the stress is overwhelming. Even the smallest tasks seem difficult. I’m hoping the three-day weekend coming up is a chance to slow down a little.
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February 12
The girls came in second place (out of three). It was their best showing so far this season. So proud of them.
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February 11
The amount of makeup these kids were wearing was almost frightening. Here’s Christina trying to get hers off. To each their own.
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February 7
These camellias bloom every year, but I never take the time to appreciate them. They come all the same, blooming for their own benefit. I bet it’s nice to be noticed.
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February 6
I ended up taking the day off work today. The idea of getting up at 6:30am and going nonstop until 9:30pm was just too overwhelming after the last couple of days. The extra time to myself isn’t really improving my mood, but it’s definitely not making it worse, which I’m sure would have been the case otherwise. Spending some time reading at the park before picking the kids up from school.
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February 5
Today was terrible. I had to sing at church, which is always nerve-wracking. I felt like I sounded awful and I hated every second of it. Then I had big plans to go to the zoo with my DSLR and telephoto lens. I charged up the battery, got all my gear together, forced Robin to come against her will, got there, went to take my first picture, and realized I’d left the camera battery on the charger at home. It went downhill from there. Robin didn’t want to be there and let everyone know it. Christina had been at a sleepover the night before, so she was exhausted. Great combination – they started bickering, Robin kept asking to go home, so I just lost my shit and took them home without another word. Also today is the 31st anniversary of the day Dad died. I would love to go to bed and let tomorrow be another day, but tomorrow is MONDAY, and I can’t even face what that means. I don’t know how I am going to get through the rest of this month.
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February 4
Today was a day of working to fulfill obligations. Writing for an upcoming workshop, calling a friend, learning music to sing at tomorrow’s church service (nothing like the last minute), finding a babysitter. Even the things I do for myself are for other people. I don’t know what it is that I want. Sleep, mostly.
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February 3
It has been a rough week. A lot of tears, a lot of angst, a lot of trudging through endless emotional muck. February is not my favorite month.
Year in Photos 